Redneck fishing

Also das man auf diese Art auch Fische fangen kann, war mir neu. Aber warum nicht….

 

The golden telephone

A photographer on vacation was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read ‘$10,000 per call’. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way. Next stop was in  Atlanta. There, at a very largecathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in  Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. ‘O.K., thank you,’ said the American. He then traveled to  Indianapolis, Washington , Philadelphia , Boston , and New York . In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same ‘$10,000 per call’ sign under it. The American, upon leaving  Vermont decided to travel up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Canada, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read ‘50 cents per call.’ The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.  ‘Father, I’ve traveled all overAmerica and I’ve seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I’m told that it is a direct line to heaven, but in the US the price was$10,000 per call.  Why is it so cheap here?’ The priest smiled and answered, ‘You’re in  Canada now, son … it’s a local call.’

 

This is one tough Dodge truck….and one very hard core drinker!

The driver hit the left turn light and sheared off the light post at the base, and then kept driving on for about 2 miles to Squires Four Pub, where he stopped for more beer!! How impaired do you have to be to NOT notice that you are carrying a stoplight?  ( I wonder if the light was green? )

The truck was towed about 2.5 miles to the Vernon towing yard, with the light still pinched between the two tow hooks and the bumper bent around it.

It took several good hard pulls with a backhoe to get the pole free.

 

How to avoid the flu

Eat right!
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because
exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day,

go for a swim,

take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often.
If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air.
Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress
from your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.

OR

Take the doctor’s approach.
Think about it…
When you go for a shot,
what do they do first?
They Clean your arm with alcohol…
Why?
Because Alcohol KILLS GERMS.
So……

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)
I put lime in my Co rona …(fruit)
Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)
Drink outdoors on the bar patio..(fresh air)
Tell jokes, laugh….(eliminate stress)
Then pass out. (rest)
The way I see it…

If you keep your alcohol levels up,
flu germs can’t get you!

My grandmother always said,
‘A shot in the glass
is better than one in the ass!’

 

Two little boys

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it.

If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children,
so she asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first,
in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
‘Do you know where God is, son?’

The boy’s mouth dropped open , but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth
hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
‘Where is God?’

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, ‘Where is God?’
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet,
slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, ‘What happened?’
The younger brother, gasping for  breath,replied,
‘We are in BIG trouble this time,’

‘GOD is missing, and the old  bastard thinks we did it!’